Losing Weight & Losing Friends
Losing Weight & Losing Friends
Have you started losing weight and going through the awful stage of losing friends that you thought would cheer you on until the end? I've not only seen this happen a hundred times; I have lived it myself. It's unfair, hurtful and to be expected. We all like to think that we want the best for everyone we love and care for, but it can be shocking when you see firsthand, that this is not always the case. If you're lucky, you'll find friendships that nurture your dreams and aspirations. Bonds that are there when you are not only down, but when you're succeeding.
There is nothing better than always having someone in your corner, continuously cheering you on and pushing you to keep reaching to the next level. These friends are real blessings to our souls. We need them and become dependent on them for motivation. They may not even realize how much we need them to continue on our journey. However, the ones that abandon us leave us feeling full of guilt and confusion. Your mind reels of what happened. Why did they just up and leave us? What did you do to turn them away? At the beginning of your weight loss goals, they were the ones most excited for you. They believed more in you than you did in yourself. They were the ones that seemed full of optimism that you could do it and encouraged you to get started and stick with it.
Slowly, you started to see their enthusiasm dwindled. These supporters gradually stopped asking you how your weight loss was going. You thought they were just distracted or were confident that you were doing what you needed to do to reach your goals. You certainly weren't believing that you were slowly losing them. Abandonment from loved ones is hurtful, especially when you are only doing something to better yourself. From succeeding in a career to marriage or weight loss, losing friends is common, and I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. Learning how to let go of those that can't support you through your victories will prevent you from doubting yourself and give you the ability to continue on your path success, whatever that may be.
It's not easy, and when it begins to happen, you begin to question your self-worth. You wonder what you've done wrong or why you lose friends that you love so much. You feel like there is something wrong with you, and carrying around that weight will affect how you go about your wishes and dreams. Having these internal thoughts will eventually roadblock your path to your goals. Feeling this way will hold you back from pushing forward and believing in yourself will be even harder. Learn to let them go. If they genuinely wanted the best for you, they would've stayed and supported you with every step.
I know this sounds easier said than done, but what option do you have? Belittle yourself to keep them? Forgo your wishes and wants? NO! You don't want anyone that would squash your dreams to feel better about themselves. That is not a real friendship, and certainly not one that deserves your attention, let alone your heartbreak.
So let's go over ways to gain strength, endure the hurt and let them go so that you're able to stay on track with your weight loss goals and achieving your victories. You need to keep on pace and not fall prey to others insecurities.
“Great people will always be mocked by those who feel smaller than them.”
INDEPENDENT WORKOUT PLAN
It's always fun to have a workout buddy to meet you at the gym or take a fitness class with you, but if they're not entirely on track with you, they will distract you from progressing with your weight loss. I've seen this a hundred times. In the beginning, they are all gung ho on meeting you for exercising and push you to keep going. Before long, you start noticing they are showing up late at the gym or bailing out entirely at the last minute. You can see their energy decreasing by the day.
You must stay on track and let them decide whether they want to continue or throw in the towel. The more you nag your friend, the more they will resent you and your encouragement. If they chose to quit, that shouldn't derail you. Nor should they resent you for moving forward with your plans.
Learn to depend on yourself with getting your workouts in and exercising by yourself. If your friend shows up, great. If not, that's ok, and you get to work. You have goals of losing weight, and there is no shame in wanting such things.
LET GO OF THE GUILT
When a friend starts pulling away from you, you instantly begin taking your inventory. What did I do wrong? Is there something wrong with me? Am I a terrible person? We tear ourselves apart, searching for the reasons our friend has left our side. What happened? It had to be something I did that was misread. Not at all true. When you start losing weight and succeeding in life, friends will come and go. Some are there for the right reasons, and some cannot be happy for others. There are those that will lift you and others that naturally want to tear you down. It's human nature.
Insecure people cannot handle the success of others, no matter who they are. You can be the absolute best to someone, but if you surpass them mentally or physically, they will pull away from you. It's not that you're a terrible person, it's that they are not capable of being genuinely happy for others. You have to keep this in mind when you begin feeling like a friend is pulling away. You're working hard at your fitness, staying on point with your nutrition and the weight is finally coming off. You have everything to be excited about, but others won't always feel the same for you.
The quicker you resolve to this is out of a place of jealousy, and only jealousy, the better you will be at moving forward and keeping your weight loss goals intact. It's not selfish that you continue to move on; it's your right to do so. Life is short, and your dreams are there for you to reach, and anyone that wants the best for you, will not pull away but continue to cheer for you, even on bad days.
Stop wasting your energy and efforts on someone that is only happy only when you're living a complacent life. You should strive to feel and look better, and you only have space for those that what to see you happy in accomplishing that. So let that guilt go, let them be them, and you continue to work on you.
WATCH OUT FOR SABOTAGE
When you start on a new diet and exercise plan with a friend, it's exciting to plan your workouts and your daily meals. With both of you on board, you want to give it one hundred percent, and it's so easy to do with a support buddy. You encourage each other, and ideas are shared with such excitement; nothing can stop you. Even if you're doing your new plan by yourself, your friend is always there helping you along the way, giving you tips and daily cheers for working so hard. There's no way you can fail at this because you have so much support. Then, here it comes.
You go out to eat with your loved ones, and they begin ridiculing you for picking such healthy choices. They become annoyed when you skip outings to get your exercises in. The eyes roll, the condescending comments start, and you begin to question your choices on losing weight.
They tell you to miss your workout. What can that hurt? They push you to order that dessert. Oh, my favorite one is when they begin telling you that you're too skinny or you've lost too much weight. Have you heard this one? You looked better before you started working out.
These are landmines that will test your willpower and mental strength. You must recognize this as coming from a place of insecurity. Your results make them uncomfortable about their willpower and strength. Seeing you striving at your goals makes them uncomfortable with their lack of self-discipline. They want the results you're getting; they don't want to put the work in that you have. That's it.
You need to find a way to navigate around these landmines to avoid you falling prey to their insecurities. Stand firm to your goals and stick with your plan, no matter what comment they throw at you. You don't need to be rigid or rude. Arrogance about your weight loss will not work with anyone. Stay humble but be proud. Ease up a bit when you're around the naysayers and allow them to see that you really are enjoying your new life and let yourself have a treat when you're at dinner with them. Show them that you're living a well balanced, happy life and that you intend on sticking with this.
They will eventually support you, or they will walk away. Either way, you continue on your journey. Your weight loss wishes are about you and the work you're willing to put into it. You're not a bad person for wanting a better you and certainly not for wanting a healthy body.
BE UNAPOLOGETIC
Don't lessen your happiness to make others happy. Losing weight is a personal decision and will take only your determination to complete. Changing your body is difficult, and you have to want it more than you care what others think or say. You shouldn't feel judged for merely wanting to lose weight and feel better about yourself. You need to keep your chin up, and soldier on throughout your journey and not apologize for wanting to better yourself. This is your life, and only yours. Anyone that would belittle you for wanting more from your life is not a true friend in the first place, and you would be wasting your time worrying over them.
Take ownership of your new goals and your successes. Do not hang your head in shame, trying to reduce your happiness to make others feel ok about themselves. That is not fair to you and will only distract you from your goals. You deserve to meet your weight loss dreams and don't lose sight of that.
Losing weight will sometimes result in losing friends, but that doesn't mean you need to drop your dreams and aspirations. Move forward with your plan and forgive those that cannot stick with you. Let the heavyweight of lost friendships diminish so that you can stay inspired and focused. Your happiness should be of the utmost importance to you, and you should not feel guilty by bettering yourself.
New friendships will develop throughout your weight loss journey, and you will most likely find stronger relationships with those that have the same mindset as yourself. You'll find people that get your desires and determination, and they will be with you for the long haul. These are the people you need to be surrounded by, not the ones that cannot support you.
Carrying around negative relationships that hold you back from what you want will lead you to a path of destruction. You'll reduce yourself to their lack of self-discipline and regret not sticking to your guns. Life is hard, so find those that are willing to help make it easier for you. If you want to lose weight, go for it. You don't need permission or approval from others. It's your time to shine!
“You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars. ”
Don’t forget to Pin this so you can help support others who feel abandoned on their journey of losing weight. Maybe you’ll lift someone else up that needs it!
Learn how to navigate through the loss of relationships during your weight loss journey. You don't need to put away your own goals to make others happy, and you shouldn't be expected to.
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Aimee Schwinabart is the founder of The Purely Fit—online workouts, nutrition, and fitness coaching that actually work! She specializes in short (super effective) daily workouts combined with customized nutrition plans to help real people shed excess fat to reveal toned, lean muscles. The Purely Fit approach to looking and feeling great prioritizes small, steady, super efficient workouts and nutrition upgrades to help you stay with it once and for all!
